humangorilla
Give us a cuddle.
They'll Ask For My Help....And I'll Look At Them And Say "Fro"
annoyingSince it's been awhile since I've been here and I have no one specific item to share at present, I will take this opportunity to just expunge on a few thoughts before the weekend.
Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. Seriously (and I say this every year), it really doesn't feel like it. Aside from the normal social expectancies that most people assume will occur in their lives by this age (ie; marriage, kids, house, inability to smile), I have avoided the personal interest traps that many willingly dive into by this age. Most people by this age it seems are all too willing to give up what they were once so passionate about in order to blend into the herd more easily. Why bother attempting to stand out when you can buy a bag filled with Affliction t-shirts and learn to like Bon Jovi and Dancing With The Stars? Pass. I've long since embraced my personal interests and nerd-isms with no slowing down. Though it may not net me that kind of life others desire until they actually acquire it, I still feel I'll get more out of watching Afro Samurai and Frisky Dingo. All I seem to share with married people in my age group at this point is the lack of intimacy (at present), but not of my own volition, I assure you.
As a birthday present to self, I went to the Chicago Theatre to see Speaker Series 2009 with Bill Maher and Ann Coulter. Being that this is Chicago, the crowd heavily leaned left but there were Ann Coulter fans to be found. Overall, it was an excellent experience and, for me, a chance to see Bill Maher live as I am a fan. At one point, Ann Coulter took it upon herself to refer to the entire crowd as "a room full of idiots". Prior to this, she made a point to state how she does not like to judge people for their personal lives and decisions. Interesting how this woman thinks one thing, does the other and deludes herself into justification in her own head. In a way, I'm sort of jealous that she can be so delusional and live in her own head the way she does.
As for this weekend, I have some plans in the works of sorts. Actually, it's back down to the theatre district to see "A Bronx Tale" at the Cadillac Palace. It's kind of weird to me that I feel like I'm becoming somewhat of a theater fan, but I do like the change of pace from movies and the like.
Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. Seriously (and I say this every year), it really doesn't feel like it. Aside from the normal social expectancies that most people assume will occur in their lives by this age (ie; marriage, kids, house, inability to smile), I have avoided the personal interest traps that many willingly dive into by this age. Most people by this age it seems are all too willing to give up what they were once so passionate about in order to blend into the herd more easily. Why bother attempting to stand out when you can buy a bag filled with Affliction t-shirts and learn to like Bon Jovi and Dancing With The Stars? Pass. I've long since embraced my personal interests and nerd-isms with no slowing down. Though it may not net me that kind of life others desire until they actually acquire it, I still feel I'll get more out of watching Afro Samurai and Frisky Dingo. All I seem to share with married people in my age group at this point is the lack of intimacy (at present), but not of my own volition, I assure you.
As a birthday present to self, I went to the Chicago Theatre to see Speaker Series 2009 with Bill Maher and Ann Coulter. Being that this is Chicago, the crowd heavily leaned left but there were Ann Coulter fans to be found. Overall, it was an excellent experience and, for me, a chance to see Bill Maher live as I am a fan. At one point, Ann Coulter took it upon herself to refer to the entire crowd as "a room full of idiots". Prior to this, she made a point to state how she does not like to judge people for their personal lives and decisions. Interesting how this woman thinks one thing, does the other and deludes herself into justification in her own head. In a way, I'm sort of jealous that she can be so delusional and live in her own head the way she does.
As for this weekend, I have some plans in the works of sorts. Actually, it's back down to the theatre district to see "A Bronx Tale" at the Cadillac Palace. It's kind of weird to me that I feel like I'm becoming somewhat of a theater fan, but I do like the change of pace from movies and the like.
The Grape Of Kings To Crumb
For those on here who knew me in the past, this time of the year is my least favorite.....St. Pat's. Though the workload isn't what it used to be and I've blown through much of it so far, this weekend is still going to suck. Subsequently, this week has kept me from blogging more regularly so for the three of you wondering where I've been, I apologize.
Next week, expect more detailed rants as I hurdle full speed towards another birthday and I attend the 2009 Speaker Series at the Chicago Theater featuring Bill Maher and Ann Coulter. Should be amazing.
Next week, expect more detailed rants as I hurdle full speed towards another birthday and I attend the 2009 Speaker Series at the Chicago Theater featuring Bill Maher and Ann Coulter. Should be amazing.
Black Magic Rituals & Perversions
As it has been near the front of my thought process of late, dating and relationships remains the topic. As mentioned yesterday, I have a theory that applies to me and my current situation in this realm. What I am finding more and more is that this theory applies with a much wider swath than I care to acknowledge. It is a theory as to what I am or what I have to offer that is making it difficult for me to find a compatible mate. I refer to this theory as "Too Much Of One/Not Enough Of The Other".
The concept is simple and is explained clearly in the title. To breakdown even further, I will first start with explaining myself. I am technically an adult. However, I love music, particularly metal, punk and rock. I play video games and stay well informed in gaming news, release dates and more. I am a movie nerd of epic proportions, checking various fansites and IMDB.com all the time.
So then here is my "One or Other" theory. It breaks down as my being either too much or not enough for any various woman I encounter. If I were to encounter a woman who has her life together, is relatively successful and is seeking a man to raise a family with, chances are I'm not their guy. To said together woman, I likely come off as the crazy, Satan-worshipping, sarcastic and immature metal guy. If I were to encounter a woman who is more eclectic, into more subversive interests and music/movies/art, chances are I'm not her guy either. To artsy goth/punk/metal girl, I likely come off as slightly too clean-cut who isn't going to want to hang upside down from the ceiling like a bat while being whipped or burned. While I realize that I'm making somewhat wild generalizations, the theory proves to be eerily accurate in my real world encounters.
As my theory pertains to my latest female interest gone south, I didn't pass the mustard once again. The exact reasons why this is escapes me. I am aware of the flaws that I have that are obvious, so the rest of what causes a woman to pass on me beyond those are that which I am not in tune with. While I fully understand that I've done my fair share of passing on women, this latest one stings for me a lot because I felt like I was to believe that the interest might be mutual. More than anything, I hate allowing someone else's behavior to affect me this much.
Playlist for 2-25-09
Burst - Lazarus Bird
Electric Wizard - Witchcult Today
Cynic - Traced In Air
Neurosis - Given To The Rising
The concept is simple and is explained clearly in the title. To breakdown even further, I will first start with explaining myself. I am technically an adult. However, I love music, particularly metal, punk and rock. I play video games and stay well informed in gaming news, release dates and more. I am a movie nerd of epic proportions, checking various fansites and IMDB.com all the time.
So then here is my "One or Other" theory. It breaks down as my being either too much or not enough for any various woman I encounter. If I were to encounter a woman who has her life together, is relatively successful and is seeking a man to raise a family with, chances are I'm not their guy. To said together woman, I likely come off as the crazy, Satan-worshipping, sarcastic and immature metal guy. If I were to encounter a woman who is more eclectic, into more subversive interests and music/movies/art, chances are I'm not her guy either. To artsy goth/punk/metal girl, I likely come off as slightly too clean-cut who isn't going to want to hang upside down from the ceiling like a bat while being whipped or burned. While I realize that I'm making somewhat wild generalizations, the theory proves to be eerily accurate in my real world encounters.
As my theory pertains to my latest female interest gone south, I didn't pass the mustard once again. The exact reasons why this is escapes me. I am aware of the flaws that I have that are obvious, so the rest of what causes a woman to pass on me beyond those are that which I am not in tune with. While I fully understand that I've done my fair share of passing on women, this latest one stings for me a lot because I felt like I was to believe that the interest might be mutual. More than anything, I hate allowing someone else's behavior to affect me this much.
Playlist for 2-25-09
Burst - Lazarus Bird
Electric Wizard - Witchcult Today
Cynic - Traced In Air
Neurosis - Given To The Rising
The Nexus Of Kernshaw Pansacre
I have a lengthy diatribe that I plan to espouse to the reading public later today. For now, since I will be lunch-bound in a moment, I have some thoughts of random for the present.
• I found out that the girl I blogged about last week is not interested in me. Moving on....
• I find the sounds of Electric Wizard exhilarating these past few days. Getting "Witchcult Today" last Friday was a good thing.
• If you don't watch the show Scrubs, you should. It's excellent.
• I'm leaning towards trying to eat more vegetarian again lately with the possibility of eliminating all non-seafood again in the future. For a number of reasons, I'm thinking that this isn't the worst idea I've had in recent months.
• I cannot wait until March 24th when the new Mastodon album comes out. Also, March 3rd is when MLB 09: The Show comes out. Merely an update of what my next few purchases will be.
• Frost/Nixon got highway robbed at the Oscars. So did The Dark Knight.
Playlist for 2-24-09
Obscura Cosmogenesis
Afro Samurai Season 1
Mastodon everything
Scrubs Season 2
Electric Wizard We Live
Black Tide Shockwave (haven't gotten into the rest of the album yet, but that song rocks)
• I found out that the girl I blogged about last week is not interested in me. Moving on....
• I find the sounds of Electric Wizard exhilarating these past few days. Getting "Witchcult Today" last Friday was a good thing.
• If you don't watch the show Scrubs, you should. It's excellent.
• I'm leaning towards trying to eat more vegetarian again lately with the possibility of eliminating all non-seafood again in the future. For a number of reasons, I'm thinking that this isn't the worst idea I've had in recent months.
• I cannot wait until March 24th when the new Mastodon album comes out. Also, March 3rd is when MLB 09: The Show comes out. Merely an update of what my next few purchases will be.
• Frost/Nixon got highway robbed at the Oscars. So did The Dark Knight.
Playlist for 2-24-09
Obscura Cosmogenesis
Afro Samurai Season 1
Mastodon everything
Scrubs Season 2
Electric Wizard We Live
Black Tide Shockwave (haven't gotten into the rest of the album yet, but that song rocks)
The Fast Mouse On The Bereft
Yesterday, while in a haste, I deleted every single dating profile that I had. After spending the past 2 years trying to meet someone in cyberspace, I finally decided (again) that it doesn't work. At least not for me.
For the past few months, my conspiratorial mind was beginning to think that a large percentage of profiles on sites like match.com and the like were phony, designed to rope in desperate people with money to spend in hopes of conquering loneliness. From my point of view, I was not buying that all of these women were so well-traveled on such meager salaries (according to their alleged income). Some other details were a bit off for me. Either way, from the profiles I was sent on a daily basis, pretty much all of these women were out of my league. While my grand accomplishment of travel is having been to a dance club in Canada, these women were out hunting the Yeti in the mountains of Peru.
So, why did I quit after finding no one? Aside from the details explained in my sappy entry from yesterday afternoon, I can't stomach the thought of one more person who I am clearly incompatible with wanting to talk to me. I've lost track of how many times I've gotten emails saying "I live 147 miles away from you in a shed behind the local liquor/gun store. I own several small firearms. I go to church daily and I have 6 kids from 3 previous engagements (never been married). I enjoy NASCAR, Toby Keith, wearing cowboy boots and killing squirrels for food. Do you think you'd like to get together sometime?"
Differences can work out swimmingly in a relationship. However, in my experience, the divides have been canyon-esque. While I have many current qualities and kinks in my life and personality that are questionable to some, I like to think I'm not overshooting when (formerly) attempting to initiate contact with the single ladies. All you can do is put your profile up there and keep your fingers crossed. I just don't have the patience anymore.
Where do I go from here? Best Buy, I suppose. Honestly, I can't bother to worry about it beyond this entry anymore. My reason for (re)starting this blog was to start writing again and to communicate with others. So far, this blog has become my forum for whining. From this point forward, I hope I can reign in the relationship comments/complaints and find some other, more interesting things to rant on. In the meantime, bring it in for a group hug.
Playlist for 2-19-09
Jeff Loomis Zero Order Phase
Enslaved Vertabrae
Neurosis Given To The Rising
The Melvins Nude With Boots
For the past few months, my conspiratorial mind was beginning to think that a large percentage of profiles on sites like match.com and the like were phony, designed to rope in desperate people with money to spend in hopes of conquering loneliness. From my point of view, I was not buying that all of these women were so well-traveled on such meager salaries (according to their alleged income). Some other details were a bit off for me. Either way, from the profiles I was sent on a daily basis, pretty much all of these women were out of my league. While my grand accomplishment of travel is having been to a dance club in Canada, these women were out hunting the Yeti in the mountains of Peru.
So, why did I quit after finding no one? Aside from the details explained in my sappy entry from yesterday afternoon, I can't stomach the thought of one more person who I am clearly incompatible with wanting to talk to me. I've lost track of how many times I've gotten emails saying "I live 147 miles away from you in a shed behind the local liquor/gun store. I own several small firearms. I go to church daily and I have 6 kids from 3 previous engagements (never been married). I enjoy NASCAR, Toby Keith, wearing cowboy boots and killing squirrels for food. Do you think you'd like to get together sometime?"
Differences can work out swimmingly in a relationship. However, in my experience, the divides have been canyon-esque. While I have many current qualities and kinks in my life and personality that are questionable to some, I like to think I'm not overshooting when (formerly) attempting to initiate contact with the single ladies. All you can do is put your profile up there and keep your fingers crossed. I just don't have the patience anymore.
Where do I go from here? Best Buy, I suppose. Honestly, I can't bother to worry about it beyond this entry anymore. My reason for (re)starting this blog was to start writing again and to communicate with others. So far, this blog has become my forum for whining. From this point forward, I hope I can reign in the relationship comments/complaints and find some other, more interesting things to rant on. In the meantime, bring it in for a group hug.
Playlist for 2-19-09
Jeff Loomis Zero Order Phase
Enslaved Vertabrae
Neurosis Given To The Rising
The Melvins Nude With Boots
Much Time Spent Waiting...
Back in my younger teenage days when hardcore music and straightedge was my reason for existing, there was this band called Far Cry. They were average at best, nothing I listened to with any great regularity. I think they may have released two 7" EP's at best. Either way, they weren't very memorable but for some reason, I can't get them out of my head today. On the one EP of theirs that I had, there was a song called "Much Time Spent Waiting" and all day, I keep hearing the chorus over and over in my head.
For this past week or so, I've had the same girl on my mind every waking minute. Being as though I'm not sure what to do at the moment and I don't want to risk anything, I've had this empty feeling the past few days again. A feeling I remember all too well. Two years ago at this same time of year, I had this empty feeling that I couldn't shake. The feeling of not knowing. It's not a good feeling at all, only this time it's got a different tone.
The first time, the emptiness was due to a combination of my own stupidity in letting my guard down to someone I should never have. You live, you learn. This time, I'm feeling something that is weird because, in essence, it should be good. I am very protective of myself these days. I try to be guarded and careful around other people. However, this woman recently (re)appeared in my life and I suddenly find myself wanting to throw my guard down at the front door, post haste.
It has been a very, very long time since I've just desired closeness like this from someone that I'm still getting to know. I'm not saying that's it substantive yet, but it feels like it could be and for the first time in aeons, I'm not concerned about letting it happen. However, I'm have uncertain feelings about whether anything of the sort can or would be reciprocated and it's stopping me dead in my tracks. More than being worried potentially getting hurt down the road, I'm worried about misreading everything from the beginning.
I've come to a crossroads in my life in the past 2 years or more. My friends have either disappeared or moved on to the next stage in their lives. Meanwhile, I'm trapped in the my own and failing to move forward in any aspect of it. I feel like I'm getting left behind in a great many ways. Amidst all of this, I'm desiring very much to radically alter this current and lengthy rut I've subjected myself to and because of it, I'm feeling as much time has been spent waiting......and now for her as well.
For this past week or so, I've had the same girl on my mind every waking minute. Being as though I'm not sure what to do at the moment and I don't want to risk anything, I've had this empty feeling the past few days again. A feeling I remember all too well. Two years ago at this same time of year, I had this empty feeling that I couldn't shake. The feeling of not knowing. It's not a good feeling at all, only this time it's got a different tone.
The first time, the emptiness was due to a combination of my own stupidity in letting my guard down to someone I should never have. You live, you learn. This time, I'm feeling something that is weird because, in essence, it should be good. I am very protective of myself these days. I try to be guarded and careful around other people. However, this woman recently (re)appeared in my life and I suddenly find myself wanting to throw my guard down at the front door, post haste.
It has been a very, very long time since I've just desired closeness like this from someone that I'm still getting to know. I'm not saying that's it substantive yet, but it feels like it could be and for the first time in aeons, I'm not concerned about letting it happen. However, I'm have uncertain feelings about whether anything of the sort can or would be reciprocated and it's stopping me dead in my tracks. More than being worried potentially getting hurt down the road, I'm worried about misreading everything from the beginning.
I've come to a crossroads in my life in the past 2 years or more. My friends have either disappeared or moved on to the next stage in their lives. Meanwhile, I'm trapped in the my own and failing to move forward in any aspect of it. I feel like I'm getting left behind in a great many ways. Amidst all of this, I'm desiring very much to radically alter this current and lengthy rut I've subjected myself to and because of it, I'm feeling as much time has been spent waiting......and now for her as well.
Miss me?
I'm guessing "no" since many people had no idea that I used to blog here all the time. Either way.
If anyone is curious about me at all, I used blog under a few names here. Most well-known was purerockfury. Rather than regale you, the potential reader, as to why I left and why I'm back, I will just state that if you remember me and would like to re-connect, I look forward to hearing from you. If you are finding me for the first time and want to correspond, ditto.
In a nutshell, I just want to get back to regular writing again. Aside from enjoying it and sharing the many random thoughts in my head on a daily basis, I feel like I've been shutting myself off from the world in the past 2-3 years or so. I need to reverse this trend.
Playlist for 2-18-09
The Myriad - With Arrows, With Poise
Rwake - Voices Of Omens
Isis - Panopticon
Hope & Suicide - s/t
Swallow The Sun - A Plague Of Butterflies
I'm guessing "no" since many people had no idea that I used to blog here all the time. Either way.
If anyone is curious about me at all, I used blog under a few names here. Most well-known was purerockfury. Rather than regale you, the potential reader, as to why I left and why I'm back, I will just state that if you remember me and would like to re-connect, I look forward to hearing from you. If you are finding me for the first time and want to correspond, ditto.
In a nutshell, I just want to get back to regular writing again. Aside from enjoying it and sharing the many random thoughts in my head on a daily basis, I feel like I've been shutting myself off from the world in the past 2-3 years or so. I need to reverse this trend.
Playlist for 2-18-09
The Myriad - With Arrows, With Poise
Rwake - Voices Of Omens
Isis - Panopticon
Hope & Suicide - s/t
Swallow The Sun - A Plague Of Butterflies
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